Back surgery update

Hi! I sure have missed you! I think about you often, blog, so rest assured I haven't turned a cold shoulder on you! :)

I'm writing today in honor of my momma. She recently cleaned out a stack of books and I snagged a few to thumb through. There's one book in particular that I don't have much interest in, but my momma wrote notes inside from cover to cover. It's underlined and referenced and it's in her signature handwriting. Funny how handwriting can create such an emotional swing. Papa wrote all over everything (ev-ery-thing) and spotting his handwriting sends me reeling. It's old fashioned with flowy lettering and the sight of it brings him alive again in the sweetest of ways. I've picked up my mom's book a dozen times, flipped through and grinned because I know I'm holding a treasure and am thankful to posses this precious future gem.

I have terrible, sloppy handwriting. Nothing worth collecting. But maybe these words will exist in some form (in nice type font) and my darling girl will be thankful to have my thoughts, jotted down and left for her to know me once more.

An update on my back... (I starting writing this in February. Finishing is a triumph.)

It's been a year. Over a year actually. I can't believe we've made it this far. I've never had a season of life with so much change and I feel like I've seen a lot of life in my old age....

The stages I don't really remember... :) I was on intense medicine for nerve pain that made me mentally black out, so there are huge chunks of time in the first 3-4 months that were sucked into the space-time continuum, never to be known again. I do remember shortly after the surgery sitting on the couch and thinking, 'I'm going dowwwwwwnnnnnnnn....' and I fell asleep immediately, tilted over in this odd diagonal line position. I have this blurry memory of over-hearing my mom on the phone saying, 'bless her heart'. That medicine was LEGIT.

It also made me forget where I stashed $1,000 in my house as a future vacation fund for Disney World. I wish I could've video taped the adventures of me trying to find it. What. A. Scene. The short story: Prior to surgery, I had a late night tv Seinfeld habit. After months of turning over every rock, looking for a stash of cash, I watched an episode and remembered I hid it where Kramer (from Seinfeld) hides his money... in the freezer. I jumped up, ran downstairs, and found a brown paper bag full of money under some frozen hamburger meat. Lord have mercy.

There may be one particular reader here  that has this surgery on his radar. Let none of the next remembrances dissuade you from surgery. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. I've walked into it. Take heart.

I typically count myself as decently tough. I've got a dose of grit about me (because I trust that the Lord has my back) so I try really hard to fear not. However, there were scary nights. I lost the movement in my hips for what seemed like a long time but in retrospect was only for a month or so. I remember waking up, trying so hard to move and just simply couldn't. I'd feel this puddle on my pillow where the fear would pour out of my eyes, but it never failed that my mom would turn over and  lay a reassuring hand on me until I'd fall back asleep. She's a remarkable momma.

My dad had a few important doctors appointments at my 3 weeks mark and my mom packed her bags and moved back to Columbus. THE HORROR!!!! I was terrified. I would've never told her because she needed to go home and be with Dad, but I honestly thought, 'Nope. There's absolutely no way I can do this.' But sure enough, we DID IT! Like a bunch of pitiful champs! WE MADE IT!! (Shout out to Lulu Lane for being a champion for our family. I couldn't have done it without her help and tremendous outpouring of encouragement. You AMAZE me, you little lover. You love so well.)

My worst nightmare was dropping things. (Written with the visceral memory of how much I LOATHED hearing the dreadful thud of something hitting the floor.) I never realized how often I dropped things until it was an EVENT to bend down and pick things up! I'm bent towards the dramatic so I would shake my fists in the air and cry 'Why God Why??' when I'd hear that menacing plop. UGGGG. Just HOLD IT, Taylor!!

There was also a long period of time where it felt like someone had broken off a broom stick and shoved it into my body. The new equipment felt annoyingly invasive and I couldn't get comfortable in a seated position. My doctor said that was a mental response to my body getting acclimated to the rods. Essentially, my physical being wasn't feeling this way but my mind was over-reacting to how it should respond to these new parts being where they don't belong. Weird. I was shocked with how much of my recovery was mental recovery. I'd venture to say half was mental and half physical. Unbelievable what your mind will put you through.

So, I spent a year with a lot of questions. I felt abnormal for a solid year. That made me skeptical that I was healing well. I spent a lot of time wrestling with the fact that I might feel this way forever... and I wasn't keen on the way the 'new me' felt. My doctor promised I would get used to my new body. He said to think of an old injury and how it healed and eventually you never feel it again. He said I'd get there but I didn't believe him.

I went for my year check up... scared. He said everything was great and declared the surgery a success. He said, 'See you in a year.'
A year? That's a long way away. Are we sure I'm okay?

But I had a strange experience during my appointment. While he was proclaiming me healed, I had this heavy sense of understanding how many people had prayed over my health. It was like I could see... or feel... all of the prayers that had been whispered.

It was THICK. Like way too many people suddenly crowding in an elevator and then all filing out and you're left going 'Whoa, what just happened'. It was like ALL these people flooded into this tiny exam room to hear him say, 'The surgery was a success.'

Exhale. Answered prayers. There we were, together, to hear of the faithfulness of the Lord. Then, it was over. Just like that.

I was a little shaken by the feeling so I didn't tell Mom and Dad but after I left to come back to Birmingham, I wept like a baby. Thankful for the knowing.

So many of you prayed. And I saw you. Mrs. T, Sally Fletcher, Sally Pearson, Ms. Linda,  Mrs. Hanson, Lala & Barry, Charley, my precious small group, Amanda, Pastor Shawn, Mrs. Joan & Mr. Gary, Amy, my work family, Aunt Bobby, The Garrett's, Mrs. Tammy, the sweet nurse who cared for me, the therapist who encouraged me...so, so many faces were there. Hovering beside me, ever present, blanketing me in protection, and waiting for good news...

How tenderly our Healer comes. And how different He leaves us.

The good news: Around 14 months, I went to bed one night and realized, 'I feel normal.... whoa. I actually feel normal. My doctor was right.' (As they tend to be...) Maybe I don't feel like the old normal, but this new normal is good too. I feel like me, in a body that belongs to me, with a lifestyle that feels perfectly fine. The evidence of surgery is there. The scar is something else. But let it not go undocumented how many times beauty has been spoken over that scar. My loving little girl exclaims excitedly how amazing my scar looks every time she sees it. No exaggeration, she tells me at least 3 times a week that my back is beautiful. And I believe her. :)

I'm not allowed to run again, which I'll miss, but I have full intentions on walking the heck out of some races with my girlfriends! I still look like a turtle lying on my back, putting on my socks and shoes, but that's okay! It gets the job done!

I've been following a friend who had this surgery and it didn't go so well. She writes these heart-breaking, morose updates. They hit so close to home. I'm always left with a quiet spirit. Hurting for her and also overwhelmingly grateful that the Lord held me close. I won't complain of the difficulties because I wouldn't dare miss an opportunity to tell you how great God has been to me through this. He had me the whole way. I never doubted it but now I see his hand so clearly. He wrote this story and I'm honored to be a part of the telling of it.

A million thank you's for  your prayers and kindness this past year. Thank you for being my wall of support and for showing up during my final appointment. ;) I owe you a debt of gratitude that I'll never be able to repay.... but I sure will try.

I'm eternally grateful.
Taylor

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34

Merry Christmas from the Rhea Lane Families!

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Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

The Family Blog Might Survive!

Well, I promised my mom I'd post about our beach trip.... yesterday. 

Just so we're prepared, I might be migrating the blog to a different site. But don't hold your breath. I've put in 0 seconds of research so that's probably a long way off! Truth is, blogger makes it too hard to blog! They don't have an app anymore so I can't do it on the go, and getting your pictures in the right order takes so long I have to take 'rage breaks' and just periodically walk away! Plus, I have to use a wonky way of importing my pictures to my computer if I want to save the edits. TECHNOLOGY!! GRRRR!!

Let's reverse back 4 days ago when normal life was turned on it's head, I stuck my nose in a book and my toes in the sand and nothing could've distracted our straight maxin' relaxin'.

(^^ Get it? Corny picture input for life being turned on it's head?! I did like their shadows in the surf so I was trying to make them noticeable!)

The Rhea's joined us on our trip down to Perdido for the long weekend. The kids had so much fun playing with each other at the beach! The weather was mostly nice enough to be in a bathing suit but the water was a taaaaaaaad chilly. Kids don't seem to have an internal termperature gauge though so they played in the ocean like it was mid-July. Crazy heads. 

The shore was shallow so the kids had this great sandbar (??) to play in everyday and could walk out for a long way without ever getting more than waist deep. 

The water was crystal clear! Like what ocean dreams are made of! Glory be!!

I was reading a really interesting biography about a woman who was trying to figure out if her marriage was worth saving. I was sitting behind the below picture, with tears welled in my eyes,  grateful for the path the Lord has given us. It hasn't always been great or happy, but it's been held together and protected by my precious family. 

"I will let myself be a child at the beach who digs in the sand and lifts her sieve out in front of her, watching the sand fall away and hoping that treasure will be left." 

-Glennon Melton

The imagery of this was so powerful to me. I remember helplessly laying on my bedroom floor begging God to please just help us make it out of this ok. It was overwhelming to look out into infinite ocean and watch these wondrous treasures play happily together at my feet. 

I realized that He's still healing me. Maybe he's healing more than divorce. Maybe it's actual, physical pain. I couldn't put my finger on the wound, but it didn't matter.  He rocks the waves gently and steady on, like a reminder that He's not ever going to stop reaching out and allowing me to let go of things that still sting a little. He washes my hurt to the depths of the sea. 

And then, I rest. 

He is a good father. 

I'm so thankful He sees fit to care for me tenderly.

"surfboarding' :)

A friend caught a crab and saved it for us to play with!

I loved this! Lizzy wanted to walk in her Daddy's footsteps. She's  young, but she's wise. He's a good one to follow behind, peanut. I've been chasing behind him my whole life too! 

Short trunks stretching long to match her uncles! :)

Thank you, sunbeam!

The first day ended up cloudy and windy so we came in to let the kids get in the hot tub. Barry and I were both reading and he looked up and said, 'have you seen the kids?' We stood up and saw these three turtles at the very bottom of the hot tub! The water wasn't filling up so they took advantage of the little water at the bottom for a bit!

We went for a hike at Big Lagoon state park one afternoon. It was really unusual but beautiful. The trees were short to the ground, sprawling, and different than anything we have here. There were lots of dead pine trees. It was a bit desolate, but in an intriguing way. I'm glad we went to check it out! 

Strange tree

That's the lagoon in the back ground. The water looked jet black. Odd.

This plaque reminded of us something Dad would say. 

Us: What kind of tree is that?

Dad: What you have here, kids, is a DEAD TREE.

:)

We love you, Dad! 

Awkward family photo by a dead tree. 

:)

Look! I came on the trip too! But don't zoom. This was a no make up day and I promised Lala we wouldn't take any pictures of each other!

Hermit crabs that we're right on the shore of the park. The girls had fun organizing them! :)

Here's my snapchat story from the day! Little video clips and some pictures. Be patient through the pictures, the video will keep playing! 

Booper's beach is always getting that thumbs up review! 

This old man napping by the pool was adorable. 

The kids put on an art show for us! The sign said 'Do not enter. Staff only.' 

Lizzy with some of her super affordable art at only $10 per picture!

We were able to haggle with the price a bit. Hence the quarters and dimes. 

 They all wanted a picture with their name tags!

 I was going to bed and found a ticket London had made me to participate in her favorite thing on earth. A tickle fest. Or Tikol fest. I put it in a baggy to save for all of time. 

We went to say our goodbyes to the beach on Sunday and Caden 'caught a fish!' 

Thankful for this soul therapy. My world is full of beauty. Our life is beauty-full.

Until next time, Booper's Beach. 

The Big Friendly Giant

I've been tough on this little cookie lately. Bless her heart, she has a big ole lazy bone in that body and it's driven me bananas this week. It's not over anything major, but I want to try to start her with good habits instead of having to re-train bad habits. Also in her defense, she gets it honestly. Her dad and I can both be called guilty of this offense in our younger days, so genetically she drew the short stick. However, both parents grew out of our laziness so I'm believing she can be spared of our faults if we start on the right foot! 

The silver lining to the toughness is that she is a GOLDEN CHILD when she's not allowed to think she's the boss of me! :) This weekend we celebrated a long awaited event...

We've spent the last month reading The BFG by Roald Dahl. The movie came out recently and social media was so excited about it. I had never heard of it so we went to the library, checked it out, and we read a chapter every night before bed. She'd curl up in my nook and listen so intently. (swoooooooon!) Sunday after church we read the final chapter, returned our book, and headed straight to the movie to watch it on the silver screen! 

(great landing image, you tube. :/ Here's mom with 60 chins! {Video- click into the blog to watch!})

She really is the most darling girl in all the land! (So says her unbiased momma.)

Real talk. I was SAPPY while watching the movie with her. She is just so pretty. And held my hand for most of the movie, and we laughed together and she'd tell me the parts that she loved. I wanted to pause all of it.

I remember attempting the movie theater so many times when she was younger and it was HELL. I would be so excited about our outting, get there, and within 30 minutes she was DONE and ready to go home. Her attention span wasn't long enough to make it and it absolutely drove me up the wall. Of all the hard parts of parenting, sitting through a movie was the one that I could not deal with. I had no patience for her not being able to sit still for an hour.

So here we are now and the movies are a dream come true. We made it. And it's so fun and fantastic. And afterwards we went to the front, danced our hearts out, and got laughed at by the cleaning crew on the way out the door. Whatever, haters. We don't need your approval! :)

I'm evermore thankful for this chicken. She is good to me and blesses me in the sweetest of ways. She forgives me when I'm hard on her, and reinforces me when I have to make tough choices in the name of parenting her correctly. I thank God for her every night while we say our prayers because I want her to know that ALL good things come from God... most importantly for me, HER. 

Honoring Caden

Let me be clear with my feelings, I adore all of my girls. My baby girl and my two nieces are the sun around which my affection orbits.  

But the boy... the boy with the heart of gold and the humble spirit... he has a slice of my heart that will never belong to another. 

Caden had his first track meet this weekend and it worked out perfectly that Mom and Dad were already planning to be here with us! We all woke up early Saturday morning and headed to a small college track to cheer him on. (I'm not sure who to credit for some of these pics as the girls took turns snapping pictures while we were waiting on the meet to start.)

Charley was visiting friends in Auburn, but the rest of us camped out in the 10,001 degree weather to cheer on the dude. It was SO HOT. So hot it wasn't even worth talking about. We all just sat and sweated. Welcome to Alabama. Where you just sit and sweat. :)

{Video}

Unfortunately the meet was delayed a few hours. My back is doing well, but reaching my toes is still a bit of a task! Luckily mommas always come through and help do all the difficult things! 

(Seriously, this woman hadn't been at my house for 15 minutes and all the chores that I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME get around to doing were all totally done and properly finished. She's a chore sorcerer. That's the only possible answer.)

A high school girl who was running the relay went tumbling to the ground during her race and ended up with a broken femur. Bless her heart, she was howling in pain, but luckily dad was there to help care for her until the ambulance could get there. The caregivers were thankful for his help. You could feel their gratitude as he was walking away and they would stop him to shake his hand and say thank you. The Lord gives some the gift of healing and I wanted to have evidence of the "field work" my Dad was called into. My dad the healer, walking in his purpose, and coming to a little girls rescue. I got in trouble for taking pictures, but I just wanted to remember how it felt to watch my dad be a real life hero. I was so moved and proud of him. 

It was finally time for Caden to run. His first race was the 400 meters. He went out of the gate a little too fast but it was great effort for his first race. The second race was the mile and he did AWESOME! I was honestly worried about him because it was so hot, and we had been there for hours, which will drain you fast. But he got into a good pace and he just kept plugging along!

     This new season of 'Dad' is amazing. Retired Chuckles is my JAM. He's still rough around the edges when he wants to be :) but he's just so funny! The stories he tells his grandkids are so crazy and imaginative! And sometimes he will pop off with something so funny, I'll sit and laugh about it for days afterwards! We'll just say Dad had strong opinions about people choosing to run in the heat and it was hysterical! 

Cheerleaders at the starting line. Everything about this picture feels right to me. Caden has been the one in the audience for years, cheering on these two little girls. You have to sit close to Caden and hear his murmured talk to realize how kind hearted he is. The girls will dance or perform and Caden will cheer and clap with the rest of us. Then he sits back and a few minutes later you'll hear him quietly say, 'Lizzy did really good on that song. That was her favorite.' Or 'London looked cute up there and she sang really well.'

He never looks up or makes an intentional connection, it's just his quiet heart talk. I've overheard it enough through the years to realize that his mind stays and circles around peoples good qualities. If you're within proximity, you'll hear him mindlessly chatter about all the good things he sees in people and how grateful he is for them. There have been so many times when he's been in the back seat, looking out the window, and he'll say 'thanks for taking me to __________, Tay Tay. I'm really glad we did that together.' You'll turn to look and he's never stopped looking out the window, it's just his spirit of gratitude speaking out. It's the sweetest thing to recognize about him.

He's spent so many years encouraging our family, so to turn around at the meet and see everyone of us, lined all the way down the field, going absolutely bananas over him felt right, important, deserved, and long overdue. It was a full blown JOY to be there yelling encouragement over him. Yes, boy. This day was YOUR DAY.

Barry let me run across the field and scoop him up at the end of his mile! I was SO PROUD of him! It was a hard event and he just smoked it!! Well done, young man! 

He is the kindest boy I've ever known. He may fly a little under the radar at times because he's not the one looking for attention, but the Lord is raising him up and it's so fun to see! His words are life giving. He magnifies good and his friendship is esteem building. 

His heart is fertile soil for an Oak of Righteousness to grow. 

We're all going to be right here, watering away. 

Therefore I urge you to walk in a manner worth of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3