Sweet Lizzy's Dance Recital

Over the weekend,  the two families convened to cheer on and celebrate our gorgeous Lizzy at her 3rd dance recital! Friday night we all got together for dinner.... sans Barry because we are bad schedulers! I love how easily our families fit together. Everyone is so perfectly comfortable around each other and we had the biggest time laughing and swapping stories! The Brett's are the dearest people and an enormous gift to our family. Barry chose well with Lauren. She is a golden nugget, but to top it off, she brought "outlaws" and her sister's family that are amazing folks and have taught us so much about faith, family, commitment, and encouragement. Glory be, we have struck gold. 

Mom bought Lizzy this cute work out shirt instead of flowers. It says, "If this was easy, more boys would do it." :)

Ha! Right on!!

I tried to sneak a pic of the cheering section and got busted by the dude! I liked this picture! 

Here's Lizzy's first performance. She is on the front row, far left. It's a bit far away so I'm sorry if it's hard to see! This is a video so click over to the blog to see it! 

Front row, far left

I think she's on the back row on this one but I can't remember!

Here she is getting her trophy for 3 years of dance!

I just liked the silhouettes of the older girls dancing...

This is her 2nd dance, the ballet. Again, click on over to watch! She is front row, far right in this one but they move around a lot so keep your eyes peeled!

Feet in perfect position! (far right)

She's on the 2nd row and is the little pea in the second column of girls.

Up close to see her sweet make up! :)

Proud parents!

Lizzy is an incredibly hard worker and tremendously determined. Minus a few side glances to make sure she was doing the correct move, she was perfection, per the usual. I can't wait to watch her grow into her dancing practice. She is fantastic, and that's not just the aunt in me talking. She has talent and the drive to work hard to improve. I can't wait to watch her as a teenager dancing the complex, awesome dances that the 'big girls' dance! 

I also can't wait for many more pictures just like this. Barry taught me to show up for family. Not by telling me to, but because that's what he always did for me. His dedication to always being there for me, no matter what, has taught me enormous lessons that I needed to learn. Lizzy will grow up knowing there is a whole community of family that she can turn to if she ever needs anything. It's absolutely awesome holding hands with these people and knowing were all in this for the same purpose, to be a constant, encouraging, wall of support for these kiddo's so that when they need love, or help, or an ear to listen, they won't have to look far. We'll be right here, always showing up for them. Thanks for teaching me that, brother. What an honor it is to be such a big part of your amazing family. 

For My Momma....

I wrote this letter to my momma and was planning to put it in the mail today. I knew it would be skidding into her mailbox on two wheels, but there was reason for that. I went to two different stores to find a fitting mother's day card.... a thoughtful card or a funny card... and I put them all down and (shamefully) thought, 'Do these people not even know their mommas?' There wasn't one card out of one hundred that even skimmed the surface of conveying how I feel about my momma. I was a bit annoyed at Hallmark, then mostly sad for the realization that some people grew up without a mom comparable to mine. My sappy ole heart drooped because I just can't imagine a life void of a mom like mine.

Her presence in my life is big and bold like looking up at a hot air ballon and being overcome with how enormous and beautiful and fun they are. My mom is like this tremendous vessel of love that is always on fire... filling up, expanding, making room to love on more people. She's lovely and full of life, always ready with a 'yes' to adventure. Her grandkids have ignited her imagination. I love going home and riding on the four-wheeler and watching mom point out the cool, imaginative things she's found to her grandkids. A wild imagination... alive again thanks to the beautiful gullibility of grandkids!

I decided to write my own little mother's day card, but then decided to share my thoughts here, to honor my sweetest momma. My awesome Dad has gotten a good deal of back-patting this year as he hung up his stethoscope, but for every pat, my mom deserved to receive the same. She kept the boat afloat for all these years. A great man is able because of the good woman beside him, right? I know this is true for our family.

It is the most humbling thing in the world to view your momma in light of being a mom yourself. How on earth did she do it? How on earth did she leave us feeling like not a single minute of our childhood could've been filled with more love or attention? How did she get us to 30 places at once and never loose her temper at us for being ungrateful? How did she stay up so late and get up so early and always have such a sense of calm about her? How did she change the sheets on my bed til I was 20 years old and not scream at me to QUIT PEEING IN THE BED ALREADY! (I was a deep sleeper!) Her love of motherhood has made such an impact on me. When I wan't to act frazzled or lose my temper or throw my hands up, I remember that my momma never allowed us to feel like we were a bother. I always felt like she delighted in us.... so I will do the same for my little one. I will delight in her because my momma delighted in us. A ripple effect.

I have a horrible memory. Scary horrible really, but I have memories of my mom that stand out so vividly. The brightest being that mom would do ANYTHING we needed, and do it immediately. I remember calling from college to say I was out of money and mom would say, 'ok, ill go to the bank now.' (Gosh. I hate that memory. I was the biggest brat in college.) I remember needing last minute things for school, and before I could even think about it again, mom would've made the trip to get supplies so we would have the tools available to do good work. Even yesterday, we talked about how she didn't mind running into town to do something for me. I told her there was no rush at all and one hour later, the phone rings with a report that she decided 'just to run in and do it real quick.' Amazing. Never a moments waste. She is dependable. Reliable. Always setting us up for success.

I remember my morning wake up song. I'd hear her voice, "Good moooooorning little tada bug...." and it made my heart happy. I sing it now to Londie Lu and it feels precious and treasured to me. A part of my momma, here with us every morning. A blessed, daily treat.

I remember her fully supporting my superstitious belief that I had to eat Cheerio's before every swim meet in order to swim fast. She made sure we could get to a McDonald's with Cheerio's so that I could believe in myself. It wasn't the Cheerio's I needed. It was a momma who believed in me. I remember so many freestyle side breaths smiling because as I came up to breathe, there was mom, running down the side of the pool cheering me on with reckless abandon. How many relays did I look up to make sure I saw my mommas two thumbs up before diving in? (more on this later) I knew I could GO because momma believed I could do it. Then, bless her, on midnight trips back to Columbus, I would promise to stay awake and talk to her so she wouldn't get sleepy. All the woman needed was peace and quiet, but with love, I would talk the whole way home and NEVER SHUT UP!!

I remember watching her dance at her 40th birthday party and thinking she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I have a picture in my kitchen as proof that she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. She's laughing, eyes squinted, long golden hair blowing in the wind, and it's pure magic.

Momma loved riding horses. I liked riding horses but I was always a bit fearful around them, even though I loved them as pets. I remember riding with mom, my back pressed into her chest, and being completely relaxed, even with a bit of fear, because mom was, and always will be my safe place. Feeling her skin against mine is the most restful place I know.

I remember (from before I can remember), sitting on the counter and cooking with her. Chocolate chip cookies... because we both have a weakness for cookie dough. I grew up in the kitchen with mom, her always teaching and helping me. She let me try out entirely mediocre meals but always made me feel proud for cooking something "wonderful"! We took cooking classes together when I was older and I'm so thankful for the investment she made in 'us'. I loved those times. I was too immature to tell her that, but I loved being there, doing something we both loved together. Now, she calls before every trip home and says, 'what are we going to cook while your home?' I've said before that I love being in the middle of the dance of knives and pots in my momma's kitchen. It's my ebenezer stone. My place where I come to remember that we are endlessly loved and we can rest here. Home safely from the battle of life.

I remember with so much clarity the night I talked to my parents about how I had made an A-bomb of horrible decisions. I was buried in my shame. My dad was rightfully tremendously angry at me. My mom was quiet. I went to bed sobbing with a grief I've only known one other time. My mom came into my room, crawled into my twin bed, wrapped her arms around me tight and whispered that everything would be okay until I fell asleep. I needed her gentle, emotional support that night worse than I've ever needed anything. A momma loves, even when you wreck everything. I was still her baby. Still precious to her.

What seems like a life time later, I was in a hospital room, enormously pregnant. Choosing the right thing for me, an unmedicated delivery. I was more prepared than mom and dad for a natural delivery! Here I was, laying in the bottom of the birthing suit shower, in agony but promising momma that it wasn't THAT painful. Mom, right beside me, brushing my hair back and whispering in my ear that everything would be okay... even still (and it would be, because my momma was there to see me through it.)
(Maybe she was whispering that it wasn't too late for an epidural, but who can remember those types of details! :) )

Then, my very #1 favorite memory of my mom ever... in the very last minutes of child birth, my momma knew it was time. She got up from the waiting area and was surprised that no one stopped her from sneaking into the delivery room. In the most primal moment of my adult life, I take a minute to catch my breath, open my eyes, and see my mom standing over the doctor's shoulder, huge smile on her face..... and two thumbs up. I've laughed a million times at that memory. It's perfect.

This long post to say, my sweetest momma's impact on this world is not being left to just the first-generation recipients of her love. Every day, I watch my sweet hearted girl's ways and think, 'Goodness. She's just like her Booper.' She's so full of kindness and gentleness with other people. She knows without a doubt that her momma will do ANYTHING for her. She knows that she can press into my chest, relax, and know she's safe. I hope that one day I can give her all the two thumbs up, because I don't want the legacy of my momma's love to ever lose it's impact. Not a moment of your love was wasted, momma. Every word was written into our hearts, stored away to use when it was our time for being parents.

Like a rock that she tossed into the water when she decided to go on the adventure of motherhood, the ripple effect continues. Her love, support, encouragement, compassion, never-faultering dedication ripples on, washing over us. From her to Barry and me. From me to London. From Barry to Charley, Caden, and Elizabeth. From her grandkids onto the great-grandkids to come. The sweetest of legacies.

Thank you for this life, precious momma. What a gift you have given us. You being perfectly you. Today, Sunday, and every day, you are my rock and my hero. Thank you for your steadfast love.

Elizabeth Rhea- Two Time Finley Award Winner

You may remember that a few years ago, Caden and Elizabeth were both nominated for the Finley Award at school. Lizzy won and she won again this year! The Finley award is a very prestigious award that is given to one student from each grade across the entire hoover school system. It recognizes students that show outstanding character and leadership among their grade. I am so proud for our sweet Tootie Beth!!! She is as sweet as they come and always works her hardest to do well at the task at hand (school, dance, being an awesome niece). She's the BEST!! Congratulations, you precious girl!!!

Aimless February Post

Because tomorrow is TAX DAY(!!!!) and I will hopefully be able to pop up for air again soon, I'm posting a super timely post about random things that I loved in February.

{Video- click into the blog to watch!}

This. This I loved the most.

Way back in February, Tuesday's were our only night home and they were spectacular. Ahhh. Rest. Currently, we're taking gymnastics classes on Tuesday's and I miss playing cards with the nugget. 

Barry's family 'winter beached' it and popped over to Pensacola for their Mardi Gras parades. They had a BLAST so we've already planned the whole Rhea/Lane family field trip for next year! We're going to party hardy, man. 

Sam had a smashing time at the beach too. Listening to the waves on the balcony... :)

Someone has figured out how to 'clip her toenails.' Ha! GROSS!

Oh lord. I almost forgot about this! 

I really need some hypothoses on why this whole mouse-in-the-house phenomenon keeps happening to us. This was our third mouse in six months.... in two different houses. We chased this bad boy all over the downstairs the night before but lo, he eluded us, so we were sure he had scurried out the door. I poked with London that she better be sure he didn't make it up the stairs and in to her bed to cuddle with her that night. I woke up the next morning and...

DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUN!!

That son of a gun DID run upstairs (*shudder*), had somehow gotten in the bathtub, and was stuck! WHAAAAATTT? Please feel free to add your ideas as to why I am being swarmed by mice in the comments. Perplexing.

Still, as ridiculous as this whole thing is, they are pretty darn cute! 

Dad gave me a 'talkin' to' about how mice aren't idiots. His example was that if he took ME outside and dropped me off in another area of town, I'd just walk back home to the food and warmth. That mouse will too. 

'Kill it, Taylor. Quit catching the damn thing and kill it.' 

So, there's that. 

Later that day, someone gave herself a secret haircut and swept the evidence under the kitchen table! Hahaha!

One of the seemingly 50,000 snow (read rain) days that we had this year! She dressed in her finest jewels and 'made me lemonade' (in her best british accent because we think British people sound sophisticated).

It actually DID snow one day.... about an hour after I put London to bed. :( I walked up stairs and she was peeking out of her window watching it snow so we went out and fixed her a bowl of snow to eat then back to bed she went! My parents had a 48 hour white out that was just gorgeous! Our dusting was a bit anti-climatic after getting Boops and Chuck's 'winter wonderland' texts all day! :) We were so bummed we weren't in Columbus! Sledding down their driveway would've been THE BEST!

sleepy headed punkin

When the sun finally decided to peak through for the first time all winter, we were not going to miss it. Straight to the library playground to literally just lay there and BE IN IT! 

Knox's first track meet where he racked up ALL the medals! Way to go, Lil Stud! I have action shots of him but apparently didn't get them loaded. I'll circle back to that later! Playing with my new camera... I'm still not very good but there's a bit of improvement!

These three are my jam.

Finding the courage.....

I've been feeling like it might be time to start writing about my divorce. Not the why's or who's or anything of that nature, but just the journey. I think it's time to write of how I experienced God through every second of it.... because there wasn't one single second that I didn't feel like God was so heavily in the midst of it.
I say 'heavy' literally... you do not know weight until you feel the weight of your heart when you decide to break vows. It's a heart heavier than one person can hoist around with her own two feet. I don't doubt for a second that God cradled my impossibly heavy boulder of a heart in his two gentle healing hands and He walked me through every hour... for years.  I don't want to write to tell my story, I want to write so that maybe my story will help someone know God more intimately. To know His delight in using the broken to create the beautiful.
I have to find the courage to start writing, and I'm still trying to find that, but in the meantime, my favorite author blogged about her decision to stay in her marriage, and her view of marriage/divorce covers my heart like a bandaid. Every life can be a redemption story... Mine, without a doubt, is redeemed and I'm so thankful that God forgives and crazy loves me, even when I broke the promise that I once said in confidence before Him. I hope someone else out there reads and claims her peace and freedom. You are LOVED, my friends.

Blog post from Momastery (Authored by the glorious Glennon Melton). Originally posted in 2013 then she added a post script for Easter 2015:

Craig and I sat next to each other at church the next morning and listened to our friend and pastor talk about Easter. She said that for Christians, Easter means that people can rise from the dead, and that relationships can, too. That even the bush that looks withered and brittle and lifeless can bloom, if given enough time, enough tending, enough love. A new season will come. There is always hope. What looks like the end might just be the beginning.

She said that Sunday might be around the corner, but there is no fast-forwarding through Friday and Saturday. The cross has to come before the resurrection. It’s the way of the world. And unless you bear witness to the truth, unless you face it head on and choose to open your heart to the pain, you won’t bear witness to the miracle, either. If you run away from the crucifixion, you might just miss the resurrection.

But I’m learning that the pain, the struggle that comes from the resurrection, can be a long and excruciating process.

We started seeing a therapist, where, one day, not long ago, Craig delivered The News. The News that no spouse ever believes she’ll hear, though so many of us do. The News that our lack of intimacy was due to a major betrayal of our martial vows, long ago and repeatedly. The News confirmed what I had felt all along. It was verification that the distance between our bodies and hearts and minds was real from the beginning. The distance was created by a solid wall of lies built between us. I knew we didn’t have the marriage we wanted and needed, but before The News, I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why we couldn’t reach each other. The News opened my eyes wide, and it hurt like hell.

I told Craig to move out of our home immediately and explained that I wouldn’t speak to him until he went did some major work on himself. He did. He was awakened. He decided to fight for our family with his new self. His truthful, out in the light, whole self.

While he was gone, I decided to divorce him. Then I decided to forgive him. Then I decided to kill him. Then I decided to stop deciding things. I am learning to listen to the still, small voice telling me not to run—not today at least—and I am taking each day at a time. One at a time. Carrying on.

I remember what our pastor said about Easter. That even the shriveled, lifeless bush can bloom. That Easter Sunday comes after Saturday; the Resurrection after the Crucifixion.

Craig and I are in the Saturday of our marriage right now. We’ve started the hard work of healing and waiting and grieving and raging and holding each other. When I want to turn away or run away, which is all of the time, I remember what Adrianne told me the night I bought my new bicycle. When you feel like you’re falling, she said, steer into the fall. Lean into it instead of away, and you’ll be all right. My favorite part about life is transformation, and I don’t want to miss Craig’s. As a Zen master once said to Geneen Roth, “Enlightenment is seeing one thing through all the way to the end.”

I read somewhere that God sends us partners who are most likely to help us heal. This rings true to me. It’s just that sometimes the healing is so hard that one or both of the partners can’t take it, so somebody bails, or makes it impossible for the other partner to keep on loving. I understand this completely. Healing is so painful. Thankfully, when we turn away someone who would have helped us heal, God sends us another. I don’t think He punishes us. He gives us lots and lots of tries. God is Forever Tries.  I think He sends our healing partners in all different forms, not just spouses. He sends sisters, girlfriends, strangers, authors, artists, teachers, therapists, musicians and puppies until one or several partners stick. But if we want redemption, we have to let one stick, eventually. We have to sit through the pain long enough to rise again. 

......

Post Script: (from 2015)

On the surface, our Easter story is about the redemption of our marriage, but that’s not the truest story. The truest story is that our Easter is the redemption of me, and the redemption of Craig. Separately and then together.

During the Friday and Saturday of our Easter story, many well-meaning Christians tried to convince me that my marriage was worth saving at any cost. That was not true. Marriages are not worth saving at any cost. People are worth saving at any cost. And God saves, we don’t.

Sometimes when it comes to marriage: Christians forget the message of their leader, which is that as uncomfortable as it makes us—new life often requires a death first. And sometimes that means the death of a marriage. Some relationships are like perennials; they survive the winter and bloom again bigger and fuller than ever. And other loves are annuals. They last for a season and then winter comes and they die and they crumble into the soil making it richer for the next bush to bloom. Either way there is new life. Either way there is redemption and never before seen beauty.

Please know that if there are two paths in front of you—divorce and reconciliation—God is waiting to walk you down either one. The bumps on each path will be different. Each will wind differently. But the end of each path is redemption. You will never be left alone on either path. Because nothing—not death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, (including divorce) will be able to separate you from the love of God.

If your church is more interested in saving your marriage than your soul, raise your hand and ask questions. God loves you more than any institution on Earth, even marriage, even Christianity.

Jesus did not die for your marriage’s redemption, Jesus died for your redemption and the redemption of your partner. Divorced or together, you are already redeemed. It’s finished. Claim your peace. Claim your freedom. Do not be afraid. Because no matter how dark it is now: you will rise again. That’s the way of the world. That’s the message of Easter.

Friday = Life Hurts Like Bloody Hell.

Sunday = BUT LOVE WINS