Beachin it.

I loaded this the day after my "Heart Words" post. I didn't get any feedback on that post and I immediately had anxiety that I should've been more guarded with my feelings. I wanted to post something quickly that would cover up the previous one but I knew it was healthy to write, even if it was ultimately only as therapy for me.  I read a quote recently that felt like words I want to hold on to...

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness." Brene Brown

So "Heart Words" will stay up and readable... because one day I'll be glad to remember the truth of this season and the courage it takes to walk through this life. (Also, thank you, precious Jill Franklin for texting me encouragement right when I was second guessing myself! :) )

..............

To confuse you completely on the timing of events in our life, I am throwing this post in the mix... right in between Lizzy's dance recital write ups!

Booper's beach is booked for the summer. Which I am happy that so many families will be able to enjoy some relaxation, but it means we're limited on time there. About a month ago we had a weekend with no plans and after watching the weather for a few weeks, decided it was worth the drive down to bask in the perfectly sunny, 80 degree forecast for two days. 

The drive was beautiful. I wasn't paying attention (anyone who knows me just said 'of course' under their breath), missed our turn, and had to re-route to get us back on course. The sidetrack took us on this spectacularly beautiful drive and I was overwhelmed with the loveliness of it all. (My feelings are way too big.) We stopped for snacks and decided to write Dad a love note in gummy letters for the lifetime of hard work that he put in in order to provide our family this wonderful place of rest. 

We made it down in time for the sunset... and for London to run head first into the ocean while fully clothed. This place is so special for her! 

The next two days were filled with sun up, sun down play. Praise the Lord. 

Beach hole. The most worth it of all the beach investments. 

"Digger" pets

The sunset on the second night was like a painting. The water was extremely calm and the angle of the sun made the top of it silver. It reflected the sunset like a mirror and it almost looked fake. It was such a beautiful night. (Pictures never do a sunset justice.)

She got 'don't get wet' instructions this night but whoops.... soaked to the bone again! 

Killing me. My heart. 

Fishing with a new friend. 

The big catch! 

The helper of the beach hole project! 

My favorite view.... her floating bum. Just the best. 

We came home pink nosed and happy. I am so very thankful for this girl and time at our favorite place to be together. As always, a million thanks, Mom and Dad. 

Sorry about videos!

If you tried to watch Elizabeth's videos but couldn't, let's try again! Please comment if they don't work! Keep scrolling to the video post and see how it goes!

Beautiful Dancer

Hello All!

Sorry this is so short but I'm about to run out of the door and I promised mom I would get something up here for Din Din to see!  More family pictures to come, but the ENTIRE clan made their way to Birmingham this weekend to watch Lizzy's end of the year dance performance. She is SO GOOD. There are no other words, she's just a fantastic, graceful, charismatic dancer and it's a treat to watch her perform! Here are the videos of her 4 dances... click on over to the blog to see them! They all start with a few seconds of black before the stage lights came on. The videos are a little small so if you hover over the bottom right of the video box, you'll see the logo for 'youtube' then to the right, a disconnected square. Click here and it will make the video full screen so you can see it better! (click your escape button when done to come back to the blog!)

Lizzy is the girl who is already on the stage at the beginning that I zoom into so follow that cute little blonde!

Lizzy starts as the first person in the line of girls but then exits. When she comes back in, she's in the back on the right and I follow along with her. 

In this one she starts front and center then scoots over. She's the super sassy one, killing it on the far right! She moves back to front and center near the end again. 

I missed the beginning of this one and can't find her at first but you'll see her on the far right, second row. Tiny little thing. She's a pink lady with a blonde pony tail. 

Heart Words

Hello Blog!

I've been looking into the eye of a few deadlines lately and it's quenching whatever small portion of creativity I've been given. Sorry for not writing, I've told myself I couldn't write until the deadlines are met, but I kind of need this place to let my mind air out... so here I am.... pressing pause on real life for just a minute.

For Christmas this year I decided to buy everyone in my family event tickets. I decided that over the course of the year, I would buy each person a ticket to go do something they'd enjoy and we'd go do whatever that is together. I didn't realize how monumental this decision would become for me. I will spend the year re-capping the events, but so far, this has been a most life-giving experiment. Quality time, touch, and adventures are very much at the center of who I am, so being able to experience these dedicated nights, one-on-one, with the people I love has satisfied the deep parts of me in a way that watching someone open a gift has never been able to do. More on that later....


Last night was Lala's turn. We bought tickets to go see an artist that Lauren has always loved. Her name is Amanda Cook and this was part of her "Brave New World" album tour. I'm still wrapping my mind around the night because the entirety of it is helping me put words to some of the feelings I've had a hard time expressing. Amanda is a christian song writer and I've loved watching her in the past because there is no pretension in her performance. She is soft spoken. She has a quietness about her that is more than just the volume of her voice. She walks out, sets the stage for worship, and at the end of the show, the lights dim and they exit. The band doesn't bow and thank the crowd for coming, they leave you with the heaviness of God present and she makes it evident... you never were here for her... you were here to meet God. 

This tour had a different element to it that I've not seen before. It was as much a visual concert as it was musical. The light show was incredible. The background images complimented the lyrics in extradordinarily emotional ways. I don't remember her words exactly, but the concept was that we've been led to believe that worship with big lights and production is wrong. You either need pure worship or a production. She believes it's not an either/or, but a both/and scenario. 


The idea is that when you look at a piece of inspired art, you are moved to respond....  This is true, is it not? When you walk through a museum, there are pieces that draw you in and you can't turn away because that art is communicating with something unspoken inside of you. Your eyes see, your heart turns, and you meet something deep in that moment.


Amanda built this visually provoking performance to draw you deeper into her worship so that you could experience God in this visceral, transcending way. I sat there silent for most of the night because my body's response to the complexity of it all was to be still and let this be felt.

My spiritual life has been interesting in this season. There have been blips of highs with the Lord but more often than not, I've felt like a wanderer in a dessert. This is my fault because the Lord's presence always resides, I'm just not walking into it and listening. I've wanted to hear from a loud God that's writing his words to me in neon lights, but lo, He usually doesn't scream to be heard. I was certain I would walk away from my back surgery and the Lord would reveal himself on the other side of it in this very 'TA-DAAAA' type of way, but He's not a show boat, His spirit is gentle and patient... and surely waiting on me to listen quietly.

Amanda wrote a song called 'Voyage'. The visuals during this song sent my heart to my throat. A video sprayed over the performers and onto screens behind them so that you looked past the people playing and were brought into the scene before you. It showed a wild ocean and a boat being tossed around giant, stormy swells. It was in slow motion and it held you tight in the tension of the moment.

They lyrics:
What if the path you choose becomes a road
The ground you take becomes a home
The wind is high, but the pressure's off
I'll send the rain wherever we end up
Wherever we end up

I struggle with 'being ok', because there are areas in my life that feel incomplete in some capacity. I have tremendous joy in remembering the faithfulness of the Lord and I have hope that there is a future far more beautiful than I'm even imagining... but the here is hard.

This song settled me into this understanding that it's okay to wrestle through this time. It's okay to not understand why this stage of life has become a home and not a temporary dwelling place. But GOD IS STILL IN THIS PLACE. I am not forgotten. I am not lost at sea. He will care for me in this place just as he has done in every hard place before. This home may not be be built on the hill of fulfillment. It is laden with high's and low's, but I can still find rest here because I know God's word is true.  His love is unrelenting, He has chosen me, and He will never change his mind.

I am thankful for this night of being washed over in words of His faithfulness. I'm thankful for emotional stirring that was different and deeper than anything I've experienced lately. I'm thankful to not put on a smile today and say everything is great... but to know that IT. WILL. BE. I say that not in sadness, but as one who knows it's okay to be somber but also SURE in a God who is a promise keeper. I am thankful for a sister who always brings me to HOLY. 

Because she holds fast to me in love, I will deliver her;
I will protect her, because she knows my name.
When she calls to me, I will answer her;
I will be with her in trouble;
I will rescue her and honor her.
With long life I will satisfy her 
and show her my salvation.
Psalm 91: 14-16

(Edited the words from masculine to feminine... For me!)

Three Marathoners!

One of my favorite things about Birmingham is the Kids Mercedes Marathon initiative. Starting at the very beginning of elementary school, the kids start logging running miles during their P.E. time. By the time they've reached this weekend, the kids who are participating have logged  25.2 miles. Saturday morning, the Mercedes Marathon hosts a kids race to finish the last mile of their marathon. When they cross the line, they get a legit marathon finisher medal. I love this idea. The kids get to enjoy the excitement of a race from a young age, it gives them a goal to work towards, and it's not instant gratification... they've been working up to this for 6 months. 

This Saturday was a perfect day for a race! It was cold but not too cold. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. You never know what you're going to get in February in Alabama so we lucked out with perfect running weather! Unfortunately, London had a really rough night the night before that landed us in the after hours clinic at 8 am on race day. She had strep throat and was so upset that she might not be able to run, but luckily the two doctors that we met with said that if she was feeling up to it, it was fine by them if she ran. The medicine for strep works almost instantly, so within a half hour of her first dose, she was ready to roll. 

We met up with the twins before the race for hugs and pictures then parted ways because Caden and Lizzy ran earlier than Lu. They ran so fast! Caden ran his mile in about 7.5 mins and Lizzy was one minute behind him. London ran hers in 12:18 I think. I am so proud of all of them! I'm glad London felt well enough to run because we had such a fun day downtown! I'll admit, it was nice to be in a big packed place back in the land of the living! I've been out and about a little since the surgery but I love the energy of a good crowd and it felt awesome to be back doing normal things this weekend! 

Caden got cropped because he can miraculously stop smiling the exact moment you say 'three'!

BEST FRIENDS!

Renny was in town for the weekend and it was awesome seeing this sweet hearted, smart as a whip kid! She is so cool. I love her !

I had so many sappy feelings watching this group of buddies before and after the race! These are London's friends from her school and they were all so excited to be racing together! They were level 10 hyper but it was a perfectly appropriate time to be that way! These are some good kids with some really great parents. Watching London find her place with a group of really great kids brings such relief and thankfulness for where the Lord has placed us. He is so evidently before all things and I don't take for granted that we are watching Him bless our lives so richly. 

Knox and London out of the gate! :)

The final turn before the finish line!

A MARATHON finisher!!

Showing off their bling!

THREE Marathoners! :)

Spinal fusion and the weeks that followed : A Long Post!

It's been almost one month since my surgery. I can't believe time has passed so quickly.  My apologies for not writing about it earlier, but truthfully, I needed to forget the surgery before I could write about it. It hurt. Big time. But now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I propose to safely write of this experience!

A few days before the surgery, I went to Columbus for pre-op appointments including a MRI and CT scan. I pray I never have to have another MRI for as long as I live. I say I'm claustrophobic but honestly thought I was just being dramatic. Nope. I'm certifiably claustrophobic. I was in the machine for just over an hour and was stressed to the max... It felt like after you have a car wreck and all of your muscles are tense and unrelenting... That's exactly what it felt like. Dad was able to pull up a few of the CT scans at home that night. It's still wild to look at these images. 

I was also fitted for my post surgery back brace. The therapist read the doctor's orders, frowned and apologized for giving me this brace. They call it the 'turtle shell'. I, for one, was pumped about it because this is nothing compared to the brace I wore in high school! Plus, I told London it would give me superpowers like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Thankfully, I slept well the night before surgery and was very calm the day of. The nurses, P.A.'s, and doctors couldn't have been nicer or more reassuring that I was in great hands. The surgery took 5 1/2 hours. They fused 8 vertebrae and then lined my spine with 16 screws and rods. After I came to, Mom showed me a close up X-ray of my new straight back, and being high as a kite at the time, I fist bumped the surgeon and told him he was THE MAN! 

These feelings would become less enthusiastic as the anesthesia wore off and started throwing up, and throwing up, and throwing up. I've always gotten sick from anesthesia but my blood pressure got really low as well so for two whole days, every time I sat up, I threw up. It was rough. (Understatement) My anesthesia was gone so you can imagine what it felt like to get sick with a split back. Uhh..... Still makes me shudder. I would occassionally temporarily loose my vision or hearing during all of this also. Not. Fun. 

Another problem was nerve pain in my thigh. I believe the nerve issue was caused by the surgeons having to manipulate my hips a great deal, but I was having pain that would shoot down my thigh when I stood or walked. I've never had REAL nerve pain before. Whoa. It felt like someone was shooting a flame thrower down my leg. It would fire and I'd lose that leg and buckle. I walked with a walker in the hospital so I could stay upright. I would have to mentally pump myself up to stand up because I knew that nerve was waiting on me! I was a pretty sad sight. I'd look at mom every morning and say 'no visitors today' and she'd kindly slip the sign on the door. 

Let's pause and honor my outrageously amazing momma who slept on a love seat and only left my side to go home and tend to her furry, canine children. She held back my hair, caught my falls, and pulled and pushed my body into comfortable positions. She massaged my back, helped hoist me to standing, and held my hand when it was overwhelming and I needed to cry. She fought for more time in the hospital, texted with my friends, and took a million calls of precious friends checking on us. She visited with me until the meds would kindly knock me out again. She was a cheerleader for the good things and was right by my side during the bad. I'm walking away from this surgery with a respect for my momma that is deeper than any feeling I've yet known. Momma's are made of steel and tenderness...a combo only an all-knowing Father could know we'd all need. 

I'm also immensely grateful for my doctor dad. His bank of knowledge has been vital during this post op time. I've had some side effects and he has had the answers to safely handle these issues. He has been a constant voice telling me to rest and take it easy, which I've needed because I feel great now and it's hard to not accidentally over do it. He's helped us know how to ween off the medicine safely. He calls every day to check on me. I can't tell you how comforting it is to be on the phone with a surgeon every single day. It's the best bed side manner you could hope for! 

Im losing track of time, but I believe I left the hospital after 4 days, then spent one day at my folks house, then loaded up to come back to Birmingham.  I have a picture of the actual surgery, back opened and rods in place. It's a cool but intense picture that takes a tough stomach to view, so I'll not include that here! The hospital stay wasn't all bad. Praise the lord that my incision is still almost totally numb. It doesn't hurt to lay on my back at all. Isn't that incredible?! 

And my finger pulse reader would glow red at night like ET! 

The sun set right outside of my window everyday... you know I'm a sucker for a sunset! I thanked God each day for coming by to remind me that He's not going anywhere. 

Plus, the results of the surgery are astounding! Dr. Edwards was able to take my 58 degree curve (left) and straighten it to a 5 degree curve (right)! Holy moly!! I have to include how weird it was to walk after the surgery. I've walked with a little limp for so long that having both legs the same length felt awkward. It felt like one leg was much longer than the other and I walked on one tip toe for a week! I eventually learned how to walk flat footed but it still feels like I'm doing it wrong!

I have a really ugly, massive scar on my back that I'm proud as hell of! I'm a tough chick sometimes and now I have the scar to prove it! ;) It has healed a lot and isn't nearly this alarming now. But it's still huge! 

Plus I grew almost TWO INCHES!!! They took the soft part of my tummy and stretched it out  1 3/4 inches. You'll never hear me complain about that! Also, my posture is LEGIT! 

We got so many flowers! A sweet family even sent London her own bouquet and she was so proud of her very own flowers! "London, Thank you for being such a good helper and taking care of your mommy!"

Dr. Edwards encouraged me to be strong during the hard days and promised that by day 4, I'd start to feel better. It was like he wrote my future with those words. Sure enough, on day 4 I woke up and thought, 'we might be able to do this thing'. Then almost every day since I've had exponential progress. Recovery has really been fun! London asked Charley and me to have a play dough contest and Charley won with this ganky unicorn! ;) 

So unfair!! My love breathing dragon is practically a museum piece! 

This sweet face was pretty good for the soul too...

My therapy is to walk as much as I can. This'll do just fine. :) 

It snowed for a split second one day so we 'played in the snow'.

Magnifying glass to see the individuality of her flakes..

And dancing. There must be twirling in the snow with the Boopster! 

Catching flakes in a cold wind rush

Mom moved in with us for three weeks. The walk to/from school gained an extra set of precious hands and my heart burst wide open over it! I was so very sad to see her go last week. There's nothing like having mom close. She did EVERYTHING at my house. She didn't complain about having to sit around and do nothing all day for weeks. We cried over movies and belly laughed over silly stuff. We watched movie after movie and decided it's incredibly bizarre that there seem to only be about 8 major actors in Hollywood. It was freaky how often these 8 actors would show up in all these movies! I'm so thankful she was here. We had the best time together! Plus, this would have been impossible without her.

However, Mom did not gain anyone's affection when she finally got permission to take down our Christmas tree! We did listen to Christmas music while she did it to off-set the hurt she inflicted!

London has been great through this whole process. She's never cried or been sad. She's gentle with me and super helpful. Plus she's awesome at picking out outfits so I don't have to worry about that...

And our slower mornings give me time to stop and see how beautiful she is with the rising sun shining on her sweet, sleepy face.

Recovery has had its great days and days that hurt and require rest. My body is demanding an exuberant amount of rest and I'm trying to heed this request. I'm astounded with how quickly the body can bounce back after such a major ordeal. The surgery really was much bigger than I expected it to be. But now I feel great! My back is pain FREE! No pain at all! Hallelujah Praise the Lord! 

We can't thank you enough for your prayers. I've known all along that God was on this path before us. I've felt protected and calm and I know that is due to the many prayers you've prayed over us. If I've ever said thank you, I mean it most today. I'm humbled and grateful for you walking this journey with me.