JOY

I've been thinking a lot about these past few years. How the joy in my heart feels unquenchable even though I've just exited one of the hardest seasons I've ever lived. How the first half of that sentence doesn't match up with the ladder part of that sentence….

In many things I've observed lately, the right answer often times seems terribly backwards. The full out opposite of what seems would happen if circumstances played out naturally as they should. It makes me smile to watch God put the puzzle together with the back side up. From the looks of it, you can't see anything but hundreds of unconnected, bland, card board pieces, but eventually you smarten up and realize there's something perfect being created so you learn to wait patiently for the completion...

My heart has been stripped. Fatigued. Toughened Up. My life doesn't even bear resemblance to the old life I once lived. My family is different. My friends are different. My home is different. Due to decisions that we've made, most all that was has, over time, been shed.

The truth and weight of thinking of that seems heavy and sad to me. But as I watch this ever faithful, backwards God, my reality feels very different. God pruned me in a painful way but as pieces of my life were removed, I realize God allowed new growth to blossom and fruit where the old had been severed. One branch gone. A bud of joy to grow in its place. Another branch sawed off. Edges jagged. Peace like sap covers the incision.  Another lonely branch lopped off, the company of the Most Holy comes, always there… always to comfort and satisfy.

I don't know that ill always be able to thank God so truthfully for the times that hurt, but thus far in my life, his answers, as backwards as they may seem in the moment, leave me with joy overflowed. He righteously prunes to make room for the blessings that he intends to pour out. He tends to me, cutting, trimming, displacing, so that I will have space for the new fruit that only He can bring to life…. the things that this world could never afford me. Perplexing joy. Inexplicable peace. Courage that stands not of its own merit but on the Cornerstone Himself. Unconquerable strength- the kind you gain by being face down in full submission to Him.

It's Backwards. 

It's Bewildering. 

But it's Beautiful.