My small group is working through Beth Moore's 'Beloved Disciple' study right now. It is about the life of John and is so, so good. In today's homework, we are studying the short period of time (after Jesus' crucifixion) when John finds out that his brother James was martyred and his best friend was imprisoned but escaped because God sent an angel to rescue him during the night. We're looking at the wave of emotions that John must've been riding. How he alone could've felt this way because he and his brother were extremely close and rarely ever left each others side. Peter was his best friend. No one else could've shared the intense emotional response that John surely had.
Beth writes this:
"The intensity of your solitary estate is often most obvious when you fight to reconcile the facts of life with the words of faith. Solitude is not so much the place we find answers, as it is the place we decide if we're going on, possibly alone- without them. Many of us will. Why? Because the privilege of wrestling with such a holy and mysterious God still beats the numbness and pitiful mediocrity of life otherwise. Sometimes we don't realize how real He is until we've experienced the awesomeness of His answerless presence. He knows that what we crave far more than explanations is the unshakeable conviction that He is utterly, supremely God. "
Gosh. YES. When there are questions, when there is hard, no answer ever satisfies better than having the presence of the sovereign God in His fullness. Even if He is silent, He is better.
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