Walk to Emmaus

I'm not posting sequential posts, but I didn't want to let the memories of this weekend pass without documenting them with the feelings of the moment. Two weekends ago, our family went to Grenada, MS to serve on my Dad's Emmaus walk.  And I don't think I'll ever be the same….

I read this right after we returned and spent an entire night chewing over the gut-wrenching truth of this statement:

"We are frequently impoverished spiritually by our own not letting ourselves be rich." John Piper

Gosh. Isn't that so true? The Sunday before we left, I confessed to my small group that I had spent the last few weeks in this very self centered frame of mind. I try to Christmas shop really early so that I can attempt to contain the chaos during the holidays, so I have been in full on Christmas mode lately…. which unfortunately can cause a very prioritized 'me and my family' mind set. We prayed that God would kindly return my focus to Him and that he would allow me to spend this weekend loving on people with no self serving motives at all…. and just like that, my world was shifted.

Fast forward to last Sunday- my Sunday night small group met to start a new Beth Moore study. (Sidenote: Good grief. Beth Moore. She had us all in tears within the first 10 minutes.) She gave us an assignment. We were to write a letter to God. A straight, honest letter telling God what we wanted…. what is the true desire of our heart. If you've read my blog for long, you know I sometimes just like to let my heart bleed words. I loved this assignment, especially after just returning from such a remarkable weekend. After going back and reading it, (and changing a few parts) I decided to share it with you… because it really is my takeaway from a truly fabulous experience.

"When asked the desire of my heart, I have a knee jerk reaction that most anyone could guess, but when I search my heart,  that reaction is not the TRUE answer.

I just simply want more of the Holy Spirit more often. When I think on this, the simple verse that keeps popping in my head is “If you seek me, you will find me, if you seek me with your whole heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 That is where my heart is in this season. Seeker. And by His faithfulness, a finder. 

I am in a season of being overwhelmed with how God multiplies the return of what we give. I just returned from my Dad’s Emmaus walk a few weeks ago and I prayed that God would pour me out and fill me with himself. I was poured out for sure. Physically. Emotionally… but in the greatest of ways! It was all to show love to a group of (big) men I had never met, and it was a JOY to pour out. But God took the small offering of my time and willing hands and just FLOODED ME with his return. I was tired but every cell in my body was ALIVE because I was so awash with the Holy Spirit. It’s electrifying.  However, the math just wasn’t right. If I poured out 50% of me, He returned the gift with 500% of Himself.

I don’t want to forget that God’s math doesn’t calculate. I don’t want to forget that the (pure heart) giving of myself equals a flood of the Holy Spirit that is so great it feels like I can’t contain it. And really, isn’t that it? That I can’t contain it… that the volume of love is so great that I have to pour it out because I don’t have the capacity to hold it in, all for myself?

That's the desire of my heart. Let my life (heart) be a purified vessel. An instrument that God trusts that he can fill and fill and fill again and know that I will be a joyful outpouring of what he's giving to me. It's interesting how the emptying of self reaps such reward: joy, compassion, generosity, wisdom. I think that when we pour into each other and build each other up, we learn more about who we are meant to be. Pour me out, Lord."

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." Galations 5:13


{PS. If anyone is interested in going on the Walk to Emmaus, please let me know! It would be a joy to send you!}